The following Yenta Joke is posted for your enjoyment.
Please note that if you want to ask me a question, click on the COMMENTS tab on my first (or subsequent) blog or the title of my first blog and the questions and answers will appear. Send me your questions! Unfortunately you get what you pay for and blogspot isn't exactly the most versatile template for an advice website.
In any event, getting back to the joke, you need to keep in mind that my Yentaism is my precocious interest in the personal lives and complaints of all who come to me, NOT my precocious interest in gossip. I do not divulge the private concerns of my clients, I just have too much interest IN my clients. Anyway, enjoy the joke:
Four Jewish ladies were sitting around playing Mah Jongg. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all for such a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But don't worry, I have never stolen from any of you and never will. We have been friends for too long." One of the other ladies says, "Well, since we are having true confessions, I am a nymphomaniac, but don't worry. I have not hit on any of your husbands, and never will, they don't interest me. We have been friends for too long." "Well", says the third lady, "I too must confess. The reason I never married is that I am a lesbian, but don't worry. I will never hit on any of you. We have been friends for too long, and I don't want to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up and says, "I have a confession to make also. I am a yenta, so please excuse me; I have a lot of calls to make!"
9 comments:
Dear JTY,
My husband and I are planning to start trying to conceive our first child in early 2009, however, I feel an anxiety and emptiness from the treadmill of my job that I am afraid may affect my future fertility. Should I just throw care to the wind and stop taking the pill? Potentially Pregnant
Dear PP,
By all means, toss those estrogen tablets out the window NOW and get started. Planning pregnancy is only for couples with too many kids and not enough income. What are you waiting for? It is so much more romantic and lively to just get pregnant suddenly and unexpectedly!
Dear JTY,
I've got a new baby on the way and need to move, however I am nervous to make a big change in rent and location. Should I move close to home to something slightly bigger or make the big jump to a new neighborhood, bigger apt and lots of change?
Yours Truly,
Don't like Change or Decisions
Dear Kate,
Do not move to a new neighborhood if you are nervous or pregnant, especially if the one you are in is family friendly, safe, convenient, traditional with like minded and situated citizens, with plenty of stores, schools, taxis, police, with a lower demographic than other neighborhoods consisting of freaks, wierdos, overly pierced or tatooed, multisexual, anything goes, over-disco'd, over-clubbed, over-college student infested seekers of the meaning of life. You clearly have found the meaning of life and your new addition needs to be in an environment far away from undersirable elements in the first years of life. So please stay put Kate and leave all decisions to the Yenta.
How do you get over a broken heart? It seems I am still fantasizing about us being together, but we are broken up and we don't even speak. I don't want to waste time and energy on something that isn't satisfying, but how do I end the cycle and really let go and move on???
Dear Broken Hearted:
I am assuming that either: 1. this breakup was initiated by the other party, that it was against your wishes and the other party has no genuine feeling for you; or 2. you have discovered a lifestyle issue (philandering, addiction, or character disorder) that is not negotiable and have initiated the breakup but you emotionally "at sea".
That being said, realize that your condition is temporary and based purely on fantasy, a pipe dream; that it is impossible for someone with no genuine affection for you to qualify as a life partner; that relationships over the long haul are day in day out living with a person you had better WANT to be with and it's difficult to envision WANTING to be with someone who does not WANT to be with you; that over the long haul life is a series of shitty events and you had better have someone in your corner who values YOU more than any other person, otherwise, the single life with good friends is an excellent alternative to a good marriage whereas a bad marriage to an indifferent human blob is an absolute unqualified disaster. One excellent remedy is to go out with girlfriends and exchange "dump" stories, nothing happily ever after, just "dump" stories and you will see how this is a rite of passage, this is life. Another excellent remedy is to google "narcissistic personality disorder" and see if any of the results match Mr. Wrong; nothing like diagnosing a creep clinically. Another remedy in the event the simple ones fail is to seek therapy because you must not MUST NOT waste your time hoping that a piece of shit will suddenly transform itself into a silk purse, and you must deal with self esteem issues because you cannot endure emotional punishment. If the Yenta has failed to give you a satisfactory answer, please write again with more details in order that I can fine tune my answer! JTY
Dear Yenta,
I have a nice family, plenty of caring friends, a cat, a nice apartment...but no special someone. I have a good job too! I am getting lazy now, spending time alone, enjoying wine, watching baseball games. Should I be worried that I am not "out there" instead of enjoying my couch??
Dear Yenta,I have a nice family, plenty of caring friends, a cat, a nice apartment...but no special someone. I have a good job too! I am getting lazy now, spending time alone, enjoying wine, watching baseball games. Should I be worried that I am not "out there" instead of enjoying my couch??
Dear Getting Lazy Now:
No you should not be worried since you sound content, enjoying your couch. The special someone would only enhance your couch life and if you need enhancing, or figure you want to leave the option open, then perhaps you should sign up for eharmony. You can relax and take a look every now and again to see if they find someone who you would leave your wine, couch and baseball games to meet.
Bottom line, the single life does not receive sufficient credit as a viable, successful, honorable and satisfying LIFESTYLE CHOICE for women. Marriage is great if it's with the right person, torture if it is not. Dipping your toe in the couplehood pool is fine from time to time, and success is more likely if it is not urgently demanded. That's just the way it goes it seems.
Too much togetherness can be trying and gross, independence is a marvelous quality. You go girl. The Yenta
I am a ventriloquist and I have a yenta doll named Aunt Edna we perform live in Florida I would interested in any new jokes you could help us with you can find me on Facebook Wendy Sly and check out aunt Edna my ventriloquist doll she is quite the yenta
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