Here is a Yenta Truism that I believe in whole heartedly and would like to share with my vast audience and fan base and seekers of assistance. Because the application of this truism will save you many hours of anguish as you wonder to yourself, "should I inform XXX that YYY is a flaming asshole and I just don't approve of their relationship?", providing this free information to you as a benefit of visiting my site might get more people in coming here for my "free offers".
So here is the truism and the logic behind it. Truism: The world already knows that YYY is a flaming asshole and you can take it to the bank that XXX has already been informed, one way or the other, that their judgment of YYY is piss poor and they are suppressing it because their need that drives them into this relationship is pathological and one of the downside attributes of their personality which is why they deny to themselves by "overlooking" or "chosing not to give much thought to" the assholery of YYY, putting friends and family in the unenviable position of having to wrestle with themselves as to whether they should admit directly to XXX that they hate YYY with a passion and fear for their loved one's future sanity (and their own should they be forced to interact with YYY as a condition of interacting with XXX).
So your good friend has been dating a fucking dick. You hate his fucking guts, and everybody who has met him talks about him behind your friend's back and you feel guilty, should you warn your good friend? Reality: your friend, unless she is blind, deaf, dumb and living on Planet WhattheFuck KNOWS THIS. She is just crossing her fingers that you haven't noticed. All you need to do is indicate subtly that YYY is a fucking dick by rolling your eyes or saying VERY LITTLE and when she comes to you for advice, for example, if fucking dick doesn't consider her schedule, as an example, say something like, "well, it doesn't surprise me. He isn't exactly the most considerate person I've ever met" and go on from there. By no means encourage the relationship.
Family members require a little different handling. Dead silence should accompany any mention of YYY's name until you drop the first bomb stating "Do you REALLY want to hear my opinion? You should hear my opinion and I've been holding back giving it to you because I had HOPED you would have FIGURED IT OUT ON YOUR OWN but you haven't so let me tell you it shocks me that you haven't noticed that YYY is a fucking piece of shit" or words to that effect. More aggressive language is required because family alliances tend to infiltrate the whole family and turn family matters into a tailspin. Trust me, I have 30 years experience with the biggest fucking loser in the world wrapping her gnarly tethers around my family's prior sense of well being. See you next tuesday, so to speak.
So please let me know if you need any further elaboration on my truism. I will also update this as the spirit moves me.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Pareto Principle and The Yenta
Restating the obvious, I am the world renowned expert on most things and fervently hope that my clients turn to me for answers to their most pressing problems. Again, I welcome and encourage your cries for help, which as I must state over and over again because this free blogsite is very limited in its ability to show problems and solutions on my main page: you have to drill down to the COMMENTS section after each blog to ask your question, which I answer within the respective COMMENTS section.
However, if you have a question relating to a problem person in your life, and it's midnight on the east coast, or the Yenta is unavailable or otherwise occupied and you NEED HELP NOW, I am going to let you in on a little trade secret: 80% of you can find your solution by googling "narcissism" and studying the findings of the experts. A particularly fascinating site is Narcissism101.com.
Died in the wool, incorrigible, impossible, borderline sociopathic individuals who ruin people's lives because they have no conscience and easily slime their way in through charm or other forms of manipulation (including marrying your natural parent to thereafter seek illegitimate control over an aspect of their life that is out of bounds) are a pox on our house. They are a pox on everyone's house and more likely than not, your house will be poxed by one of these scumbuckets sooner or later.
It is quite dreadful for the first time sufferer to encounter the narcissist through the divorce and remarriage of a parent. Depending on how old one is, one can be quite under the thumb until the age of emancipation. And then one must endure the begging and pleading of one's natural parent to "understand" and "get along with" and "tolerate" and "kiss the fat bloody ass of" the evil narcissist step-thing in the years thereafter.
It is also quite dreadful, but not as life-altering if caught quickly, for first time sufferers to romantically encounter a narcissist. Running, and running fast, can and must be swiftly accomplished, however, care must be taken to avoid reverse stalking by the more sociopathic variety of narcissist. In these cases, orders of protection are called for, but by the time one realizes this, one is emotionally cured. Now one only needs to care for one's physical well being, which is actually easier than emotional. It's the emotional slipshoddiness that gets us into "bed" with these monsters to begin with.
So to bottom line it, look up "narcissist" and see if that is your problem. My most recent case made me realize that this is something most of my clients need to do to get back on the road to emotional well being. It's the old 80-20 rule I learned about as an economics major at the University of North Carolina: Pareto Optimization, the introduction to this Italian genius of life.
80% of the problems you have with assholes can be tracked back to narcissism, THEIRS. Go educate yourself!
However, if you have a question relating to a problem person in your life, and it's midnight on the east coast, or the Yenta is unavailable or otherwise occupied and you NEED HELP NOW, I am going to let you in on a little trade secret: 80% of you can find your solution by googling "narcissism" and studying the findings of the experts. A particularly fascinating site is Narcissism101.com.
Died in the wool, incorrigible, impossible, borderline sociopathic individuals who ruin people's lives because they have no conscience and easily slime their way in through charm or other forms of manipulation (including marrying your natural parent to thereafter seek illegitimate control over an aspect of their life that is out of bounds) are a pox on our house. They are a pox on everyone's house and more likely than not, your house will be poxed by one of these scumbuckets sooner or later.
It is quite dreadful for the first time sufferer to encounter the narcissist through the divorce and remarriage of a parent. Depending on how old one is, one can be quite under the thumb until the age of emancipation. And then one must endure the begging and pleading of one's natural parent to "understand" and "get along with" and "tolerate" and "kiss the fat bloody ass of" the evil narcissist step-thing in the years thereafter.
It is also quite dreadful, but not as life-altering if caught quickly, for first time sufferers to romantically encounter a narcissist. Running, and running fast, can and must be swiftly accomplished, however, care must be taken to avoid reverse stalking by the more sociopathic variety of narcissist. In these cases, orders of protection are called for, but by the time one realizes this, one is emotionally cured. Now one only needs to care for one's physical well being, which is actually easier than emotional. It's the emotional slipshoddiness that gets us into "bed" with these monsters to begin with.
So to bottom line it, look up "narcissist" and see if that is your problem. My most recent case made me realize that this is something most of my clients need to do to get back on the road to emotional well being. It's the old 80-20 rule I learned about as an economics major at the University of North Carolina: Pareto Optimization, the introduction to this Italian genius of life.
80% of the problems you have with assholes can be tracked back to narcissism, THEIRS. Go educate yourself!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A Yenta Joke
The following Yenta Joke is posted for your enjoyment.
Please note that if you want to ask me a question, click on the COMMENTS tab on my first (or subsequent) blog or the title of my first blog and the questions and answers will appear. Send me your questions! Unfortunately you get what you pay for and blogspot isn't exactly the most versatile template for an advice website.
In any event, getting back to the joke, you need to keep in mind that my Yentaism is my precocious interest in the personal lives and complaints of all who come to me, NOT my precocious interest in gossip. I do not divulge the private concerns of my clients, I just have too much interest IN my clients. Anyway, enjoy the joke:
Four Jewish ladies were sitting around playing Mah Jongg. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all for such a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But don't worry, I have never stolen from any of you and never will. We have been friends for too long." One of the other ladies says, "Well, since we are having true confessions, I am a nymphomaniac, but don't worry. I have not hit on any of your husbands, and never will, they don't interest me. We have been friends for too long." "Well", says the third lady, "I too must confess. The reason I never married is that I am a lesbian, but don't worry. I will never hit on any of you. We have been friends for too long, and I don't want to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up and says, "I have a confession to make also. I am a yenta, so please excuse me; I have a lot of calls to make!"
Please note that if you want to ask me a question, click on the COMMENTS tab on my first (or subsequent) blog or the title of my first blog and the questions and answers will appear. Send me your questions! Unfortunately you get what you pay for and blogspot isn't exactly the most versatile template for an advice website.
In any event, getting back to the joke, you need to keep in mind that my Yentaism is my precocious interest in the personal lives and complaints of all who come to me, NOT my precocious interest in gossip. I do not divulge the private concerns of my clients, I just have too much interest IN my clients. Anyway, enjoy the joke:
Four Jewish ladies were sitting around playing Mah Jongg. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all for such a long time, and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But don't worry, I have never stolen from any of you and never will. We have been friends for too long." One of the other ladies says, "Well, since we are having true confessions, I am a nymphomaniac, but don't worry. I have not hit on any of your husbands, and never will, they don't interest me. We have been friends for too long." "Well", says the third lady, "I too must confess. The reason I never married is that I am a lesbian, but don't worry. I will never hit on any of you. We have been friends for too long, and I don't want to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up and says, "I have a confession to make also. I am a yenta, so please excuse me; I have a lot of calls to make!"
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