I'm a Fucking Asshole

A world shattering event of major proportions has occurred in the twisted little cyber life of the world renowned yenta: somebody has actually read my blog. In fact, a couple of people have read my blog, and one of them was gravely insulted, with good reason. And as I reread what I wrote, about pussy whipped men, I realized I completely fucked up and wrote something mean and unfair. What the fuck was I thinking.

Here was the original entry that I need to revise, and the bolded sections are the fucked up ones:

This discovery came about on Amtrak when I was given no choice but to eavesdrop on a conversation between two midlife men. They were sitting across the aisle blabbing about their gray flannel suit mayonnaise encrusted beige lives and I was mindlessly checking my blackberry emails and handicapping the Breeder's Cup entries and listening without interest when suddenly the conversation turned to "wimmen." My inner Yenta could not be denied.

The gist of the conversation, centering around the incredibly depressing prospect of weekend activities with soccer games, family entertainment, in laws, was how these men prefer women to "take over" because they are so damn busy with their jobs and climbing the corporate ladder and figuring out whose ass needs kissing, they figure an aggressive bossy woman gives them a "break" from being "decisive". I think that explains it.

The comment on gray flannel suit mayonnaise encrusted beige lives and the further nasty insinuation about their corporate lives being primarily about ass kissing was fucking nasty and uncalled for. The "" around "decisive was also a nasty and uncalled for touch. In point of fact, although this describes corporate life to a tee for many of us, like me, for instance, men do not own this and it equally applies to women.

My angry friend pointed out that women can bitch and moan and boo hoo and chose to drop out of the rat race without losing societal respect, but a man (not a piece of shit loser, but a man supporting a family) cannot. Period. And I knew he was right,and I have often made this point but I must have been in a real state to have been oblivious while I was ranting on pussywhipped men (a subset, and my friend isn't pussywhipped, but he, like everyone who subsists in the beige mayonnaise world of corporate America, must kiss ass to survive). Which brings me to my thoughts on ass kissing.

Ass kissing can take many forms. Kissing ass when you mean it is one thing; I once kissed a former ceo's ass because he could tell a good joke and he was smart, in a meeting, and my boss took me aside and said, "Joan, that was really fucking disgusting, you're such an asshole. Ooh Doug this and ooh Doug that, you suck up, you", he said. But I defend that as sincere. When you are sincere, kissing ass is just the way it goes when you are dealing with someone who is above you on the ladder and got there legitimately.

What I won't do, and this could be because I really have no fear of losing my job because fuck it, whatever goes right? is kissing a fucking asshole's ass. I will be polite, I will be impersonal, I will fucking hold my tongue, but I will not kiss a fucking asshole's ass. If my life did depend on kissing a fucking assholes ass, maybe I would, but frankly, I doubt it because I have very little couth and zero political instinct and I say whatever's on my mind. I doubt I could rise to the challenge. If I was a man, I'd probably be a truck driver.

So there you have it. I hope I made things right. Now I'm going to go edit that fucking post.